Expert Reveals: A Little-Known Secret To Achieving Stunning Success And Happiness In A Love Relationship


Question: What’s the essential ingredient in a relationship that when it’s missing all the other wonderful attributes (physical attraction, having common values, liking the same things, shared hobbies and pastimes, emotional compatibility) will not be enough to make the relationship work? Why do loving relationships turn sour?

If you don’t know, read on. You’ll find out what it really takes to enjoy a truly successful and happy relationship with your partner – or to build or re-build a loving relationship where before there was only distance, and dissonance, and disenchantment!

A couple years ago a friend was having serious issues in his love relationship – his girl was uncharacteristically distant, their sex life had nose-dived, and all this was driving him crazy. I advised him to seek professional help, in the hope that an expert relationship counsellor or coach would “fix” his girlfriend.

But as it turned out, it was my friend that needed “fixing”, not the girl.

As it turned out, his girlfriend was reacting as most prisoners would in a similar situation – because, inadvertently, he had built an emotional/psychological prison around his girlfriend where she felt stifled and asphyxiated, but at the same time feeling burdened (and required) to “light his fire”.

At the end of this report I’ll be showing you what his girlfriend should have done to “extract” herself with flair and not failure from her prison and turn the relationship around, fast. It calls for some powerful but perfectly level-headed DIY strategies that have been handed down to us by our forefathers and grandfathers down the centuries, but which we hardly ever factor into our relationships these days.

In a military “extraction” you have army units working together to help someone or a team escape the enemy. In a relationship self-extraction, most of us cannot afford a counsellor or expert and we may have got to go it alone.

But it’s a worthy challenge, with some risk yes, but you have the opportunity to emerge out of it happier, brighter, and more fulfilled – and possibly with a life-long partner and friend in tow!

Anyhow, here’s how my friend described his situation before they went to see the relationship expert…

“I am living with my parents and I'm thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Karen. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don't really know what to do.”

“I love her but she doesn't seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4-5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops.”

“This makes me frustrated because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad.”

“I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. “

“Now, I'm lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything. Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend.”

“She doesn't make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad.”

“But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad. I just don't have a clue what to do.”

What we learned from this…

We learned a lot from that experience, and this is what I want to share with you, especially the secret or “ingredient” that the expert proposed to turn the relationship around. It’s something we hardly ever consciously think of when starting or nurturing or maturing a relationship.

Without this ingredient it’s amazing how quickly love can vanish from a love relationship. When it’s present, it’s equally amazing how fast love comes back in a relationship.

We also learned that a couple could be very compatible in many other respects, but without this ingredient the relationship may never work…

According to the expert, there are many factors that go into creating a loving relationship. It helps a lot for example if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time.

It also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, the environment, abortion, and personal growth. It helps if they both eat junk food or both eat organic food, if they’re both into the caveman diet.

It makes things easier if both are neat or both are messy, if both are on-time-people or both are late-people. Physical attraction is also quite important. It’s great if they have common values around money and spending.

But… A couple can have all of these and still not have a loving relationship if one element is missing, because without this essential ingredient all the other wonderful attributes will not be enough to make the relationship work.

The secret ingredient…

And that essential ingredient, according to the expert, is about intention.

It appears that at any given moment in a relationship, each of us is devoted to only one of two different intentions: to control or to learn. When our intention is to control, our deepest motivation is to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe.

When our intention is to learn, our deepest motivation is to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others.

The motivation to get love rather than be loving can create havoc within a relationship.

Let’s look at a typical relationship issue and see what happens regarding the two different intentions.

Pete and Pat are feeling emotionally distant from each other, and they haven’t made love in a month.

The problem started when Pat stated that she wanted to take an expensive vacation and Pete objected. Pat got angry, Pete gave in, and they have been distant ever since.

Pat’s intention was to have control over getting what she wanted. She equates an expensive vacation with love… if Pete does this for her, then he proves his love for her.

She used her anger as a way to have control over getting what she wants. She wants control over feeling special to Pete.

Pete’s intention is to avoid pain. He gave himself up to have control over Pat not being angry with him. He hopes that by giving Pat what she wants, she will see him as a good and loving husband.

However, because both Pete and Pat were trying to control each other rather than be loving to themselves and each other, their interaction created emotional distance.

What would this have looked like if their intention had been to learn? Here’s how the expert analyzed the problem – and what she recommends for a couple facing this same sort of problem in their relationship…

Clich the button below to download full report (it's free)
why do loving relationships turn sour
Powered by Blogger.